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So sorry Jeffrey these things happen when your body had never been given time to properly heal! So it came out in the toilet and I didnt know what to do so I just flushed the tiny little fetus. You have made me numb and I hate you for this! I hope I never have to see you again! I am not your personal incubator! where is the baby! where is Ghislaine!!!

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BLEND IN! HATE THIS CITY!

On Misery's Trail The toll of reporting on human anguish_

1961 I blamed her for everything, but she didn't answer. I couldn't understand her stupid behavior! When I hit her she held still, like a true pacifist. Then I realized what she wanted was for me to love her: She began to warm up, and I saw her advantages. Without me, she wouldn't exist, so of course she was grateful. I gave her a soul, I bloomed out of her as a rose Blooms out of a vase of not very valuable porcelain, And it was I who attracted everybody's attention, Not her whiteness and beauty, as I had at first supposed. I patronized her a little, and she lapped it up — You could tell almost at once she had a slave vality. et gel, I didn't mind her waiting on me, and sh it. O In the morning she woke me early, re in he From her amazingly white torso, a ldn' fte ut notice Her tidiness and her calmness She humored my weakness 1 Holding my bones in plat d properly. In time our relationshi She stopped fitti os and seemed offish. I felt her criti • e in o herself, As if my hab• o ende. some way. She let in the fts me more and more absent-minded. And my skin itch aked away in soft pieces Simply beca Then I saw t trouble was: she thought she was immortal. ;t ed after me so badly. She wa t leave me, she thought she was superior, And I'd Xeen keeping her in the dark, and she was resentful — Wasting her days waiting on a half -corpse! And secretly she began to hope I'd die. Then she could cover my mouth and eyes, cover me entirely, And wear my painted face the way a mummy-case Wears the face of a pharaoh, though it's made of mud and water. I wasn't in any position to get rid of her. She'd supported me for so long I was quite limp — I had even forgotten how to walk or sit,

Backgroundphoto ofa courtroom with words (andyou should never be here alone" HE SHOULD!

OUR STAND

Through a Child's Eyes "What I wanted was . . . a place where dreams did not stop at dawn." PROTECT THE VANISHING tH11-hRtN Flashback s I won't let pain keep me fronkt104 \/ - - O "In the Danger Zone -C° o \_\ •°

Background photos of New York City and quote "Who could have predicted this?" I should have! So sad this city could be beautiful if it werent filled with monsters. The blood from Leon is no longer there. [clipping: National Geographic June 2004]

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Tomorrow is the halfway ultrasound for Jeffrey. This one stuck. After they took the first baby who survived and the early miscarriage I think it was called I no longer feel like a person but a vessel. Will they take this one too? Who has the first one? Where did Ghislaine go. She is never around. I cant let myself get attached. I am not old or mature enough or even in the place to have baby thetS4Id be responsible for. I am not even able to focus on anything other than hi ifirSt; agao i c I had to go to eating disorder treatment prior to bee si thOtion again and missed the entire fall semester of school. A0 t -k I am so very exhausted. IN/ ,/ Will I ever be free? O 70 My body feels so tired. %..., 0 (/ decC5 t „. „... "‘ T -

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I am such a... monster. I DIDNT CONSOLE HER! I CANT UNHEAR HER SCREAMS! THEY HAUNT ME! I couldnt even bring myself to look at her. I am a monster. I deserve to be haunted by her screams. I AM SO SORRY I AM S[ ] BROKEN.

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